Update
I know it’s been so long since I have posted properly, I have been meaning to, but every time I have thought to, there is always something more pressing that needs to be done. First it was the job-hunting and part-time work, now it’s a full time job and a part-time job, which means some weeks I have been working 7 days, though now I am beginning to cut back to 6 which is good. It’s also hard to always get on the internet, my sister is always on and I don’t want to kick her off because she’s doing year 12 (though a lot of the time she’s on there, she’s not actually doing school work, but I’m still not allowed to tell her to get off- bet if I tried she’d claim she was just about to start doing work!) and Mum on a lot trying to email my brother who has moved to Japan. So I’m typing this on my laptop and will post it when I can steal a minute on there!
The job-hunting was becoming quite an issue because of lack of money and parental pressure, compounded when I had a car accident and wrote off my car in early March (I was ok, just some bruising, and very shaken up). Kind of convenient that Brendan moved to
So anyway, I found a full time job. I am working 9-5.30, Monday to Friday as a lab technician for a compounding pharmacy. Basically, I make capsules all day. Occasionally I make troches or creams, but capsules are what I am in charge of. It’s not the best job in the world- the pay is shit, it is repetitive and can get boring and tedious, and isn’t really going to lead anywhere, but it’s a full time job, and I do get paid better than part time at the fruit shop, the people are nice, and it’s not stressful, so that is a bonus. I am working with hormones a lot, so have to be careful with that, had a blood test yesterday for other things too, but wanting to make sure that I don’t throw my hormones out of whack. Last thing I need at the moment!
So I am saving to pay the parents back, then hopefully get my own car. And then move out probably early next year (that is what my friend is sort of thinking and aiming for). Bit hard at the moment because I have so many overdue costs that have been accumulating, but I am getting there. Going to do a budget for myself and save as much as I can.
I have been absolutely exhausted. I am so tired, I just can’t begin to explain what it’s like. I don’t think it’s just physical tiredness, but also emotional, since the beginning of the year I have been up and down, and had a number of depressive relapses, things have not been much fun, and mostly things are on the down side. The job stuff was really stressful, and the parental pressure, as well as the pressure from myself really wasn’t helping, then the car made things so much worse (I couldn’t even call my parents after the crash because I thought they would be so mad at me, I called Fr Geoff and didn’t call them until him and Janet had helped sort me out). Being so busy as well meant I couldn’t take time out that I needed to recuperate, not helping things either! Now I am working, things are starting to settle down a little, though working 2 jobs is really taking it’s toll. I am getting into some sort of routine, but getting up in the mornings is so difficult when I am still feeling down, and the cold weather is definitely not helping that. I joined the gym last week, in an attempt to help my health, and I’m trying to go before work. I need to loose about 20kg- I’m sick of Mum telling me I need to loose weight and that I am ‘letting myself go’- I know I need to loose it, I know how unfit I am, and I know my eating habits are not very good- I tend to comfort eat, and well, there’s been a lot of that lately! (like the last 5 years…) As well, I’m totally unfit, and need to loose it for health reasons…
I really want to get out of home too. Most of the time things are ok, but I hate walking on eggshells when someone is in a bad mood (Elise has been so crappy lately, I’m trying to be patient and not to snap back, but it’s annoying!). And I want my own independence. But of course, financially, that’s impossible at the moment, and it’s not going to be easy unless I get a better paid job! But since I have no idea what I want to do, I am going to stick it out until I have a some idea.
In all this, how am I staying sane? (well, depending on how far you want to stretch the definition of sane I guess) I don’t know what I would do without my faith, without God and the support of the church. Without confession, and the Divine Liturgy, the Bible, our Orthodox Christian Fellowship group, and of course the strength and grace that comes from Holy Communion. Icons, my prayer rope and the Jesus prayer can bring comfort when things get so bad I can’t focus. All these things God has granted us through the church so that we can get by during these times. I am having so much trouble coping, things are so difficult, and this is with my faith!!! I am glad that I know God is with me, even though I don’t always ‘feel’ his presence, or comfort or joy, I know He is with me. And that will have to be enough.
Anyway, better end it here or this wont get posted. Hoping and praying things will calm down and become more settled, and that it will help with health and tiredness etc. and then, I will be able to post more and visit you all more!! I have so much catching up to do.
God’s Blessings to all.


