Update

I know it’s been so long since I have posted properly, I have been meaning to, but every time I have thought to, there is always something more pressing that needs to be done. First it was the job-hunting and part-time work, now it’s a full time job and a part-time job, which means some weeks I have been working 7 days, though now I am beginning to cut back to 6 which is good. It’s also hard to always get on the internet, my sister is always on and I don’t want to kick her off because she’s doing year 12 (though a lot of the time she’s on there, she’s not actually doing school work, but I’m still not allowed to tell her to get off- bet if I tried she’d claim she was just about to start doing work!) and Mum on a lot trying to email my brother who has moved to Japan. So I’m typing this on my laptop and will post it when I can steal a minute on there!

The job-hunting was becoming quite an issue because of lack of money and parental pressure, compounded when I had a car accident and wrote off my car in early March (I was ok, just some bruising, and very shaken up). Kind of convenient that Brendan moved to Japan at the end of March, he was planning on selling his car, but now I am driving it (though it’s bloody huge and is a petrol guzzler- not so good on the finances!) and I will sell it for him later in the year when hopefully I can buy my own.

So anyway, I found a full time job. I am working 9-5.30, Monday to Friday as a lab technician for a compounding pharmacy. Basically, I make capsules all day. Occasionally I make troches or creams, but capsules are what I am in charge of. It’s not the best job in the world- the pay is shit, it is repetitive and can get boring and tedious, and isn’t really going to lead anywhere, but it’s a full time job, and I do get paid better than part time at the fruit shop, the people are nice, and it’s not stressful, so that is a bonus. I am working with hormones a lot, so have to be careful with that, had a blood test yesterday for other things too, but wanting to make sure that I don’t throw my hormones out of whack. Last thing I need at the moment!

So I am saving to pay the parents back, then hopefully get my own car. And then move out probably early next year (that is what my friend is sort of thinking and aiming for). Bit hard at the moment because I have so many overdue costs that have been accumulating, but I am getting there. Going to do a budget for myself and save as much as I can.

I have been absolutely exhausted. I am so tired, I just can’t begin to explain what it’s like. I don’t think it’s just physical tiredness, but also emotional, since the beginning of the year I have been up and down, and had a number of depressive relapses, things have not been much fun, and mostly things are on the down side. The job stuff was really stressful, and the parental pressure, as well as the pressure from myself really wasn’t helping, then the car made things so much worse (I couldn’t even call my parents after the crash because I thought they would be so mad at me, I called Fr Geoff and didn’t call them until him and Janet had helped sort me out). Being so busy as well meant I couldn’t take time out that I needed to recuperate, not helping things either! Now I am working, things are starting to settle down a little, though working 2 jobs is really taking it’s toll. I am getting into some sort of routine, but getting up in the mornings is so difficult when I am still feeling down, and the cold weather is definitely not helping that. I joined the gym last week, in an attempt to help my health, and I’m trying to go before work. I need to loose about 20kg- I’m sick of Mum telling me I need to loose weight and that I am ‘letting myself go’- I know I need to loose it, I know how unfit I am, and I know my eating habits are not very good- I tend to comfort eat, and well, there’s been a lot of that lately! (like the last 5 years…) As well, I’m totally unfit, and need to loose it for health reasons…

I really want to get out of home too. Most of the time things are ok, but I hate walking on eggshells when someone is in a bad mood (Elise has been so crappy lately, I’m trying to be patient and not to snap back, but it’s annoying!). And I want my own independence. But of course, financially, that’s impossible at the moment, and it’s not going to be easy unless I get a better paid job! But since I have no idea what I want to do, I am going to stick it out until I have a some idea.

In all this, how am I staying sane? (well, depending on how far you want to stretch the definition of sane I guess) I don’t know what I would do without my faith, without God and the support of the church. Without confession, and the Divine Liturgy, the Bible, our Orthodox Christian Fellowship group, and of course the strength and grace that comes from Holy Communion. Icons, my prayer rope and the Jesus prayer can bring comfort when things get so bad I can’t focus. All these things God has granted us through the church so that we can get by during these times. I am having so much trouble coping, things are so difficult, and this is with my faith!!! I am glad that I know God is with me, even though I don’t always ‘feel’ his presence, or comfort or joy, I know He is with me. And that will have to be enough.

Anyway, better end it here or this wont get posted. Hoping and praying things will calm down and become more settled, and that it will help with health and tiredness etc. and then, I will be able to post more and visit you all more!! I have so much catching up to do.

God’s Blessings to all.

Christ is Risen!

Truly He is Risen!

Christ is risen from the dead! Trampling down death by death! And upon those in the tombs, bestowing Life!
Thou didst descend into the tomb, O Immortal. Thou didst destroy the power of death. In victory didst Thou arise, O Christ God, proclaiming "Rejoice" to the myrrh-bearing women, granting peace to Thy Apostles, and bestowing resurrection on the fallen.

Christ is Risen (byzantine)- good shepherd Choir.mp3 (click to listen)

A very Holy and Blessed Pascha to you all. God Bless.
Love Rachel (Ilinca) xoxo

Holy Saturday

The noble Joseph, when he had taken down Your most pure Body from the Tree wrapped it in fine linen and anointed it with spices and placed it in a new tomb.

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

When You descended to death, O Life immortal You slayed Hell with the splendour of Your Godhead. And when from the depths they raised the dead, all the powers of Heaven cried out; "O Giver of Life, Christ our God, glory unto You!"

Now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

The Angel came to the Myrrh-bearing women at the Tomb and said, "Myrrh is fitting for the dead, but Christ has shown Himself a stranger to corruption."

the noble joseph- good shepherd choir.mp3 (click to listen)

Good Friday

Today is hung upon the Tree, He Who suspended the Earth upon the waters. A crown of thorns crowns Him, Who is the King of Angels. He is wrapped about with the purple of mockery, Who wrapped the Heavens in clouds. He was struck, Who freed Adam in the Jordan. He was transfixed with nails, Who is the Bridegroom of the Church. He was pierced with a spear, Who is the Son of the Virgin. We worship Your Passion, O Christ Show us also Your glorious Resurrection.

15th antiphon- james and good shepherd choir.mp3 (click to listen)

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Going to try for a proper post tomorrow...

My Chrismation

It was a beautiful and really special day. Mum, Dad, Elise, Nana and Grandpa, Nana (Pops had another church commitment), Judy and Jane all came to share it with me, as well as the wonderful Good Shepherd Parish who have welcomed me with open arms.

Reading the Creed, the Holy Symbol and declaration of faith.


Being anointed with the Holy Chrism, receiving the seal of the Holy Spirit.

Receiving Holy Eucharist in the Orthodox church for the first time!

Becoming Orthodox

Well, finally I have set a date for my Chrismation- it is happening this Sunday! I am excited, but a bit nervous too. Actually, I think I'm more nervous than excited...
I am excited that I will be able to receive Holy Eucharist though, while I was going to Mass when I could last year at uni, this year I'm not at uni, so haven't had Eucharist since Christmas. And because I'm at church Saturday night and Sunday mornings, there are really no other times for me to go. So that is the main reason, but I also love the church, and agree with the theology and teachings- often they make so much more sense to me than some of the western doctrines I have already been taught! As my to-be Orthodox God-mother said to me last night, all forms of Christianity are Christianity, and have the same doctrines and teachings, but Orthodoxy seems to have the fullness of those teachings, it includes those little bits that you miss out on. Another good piece of wisdom she bestowed on me, was that it's a bit like moving countries: you love living in Australia, but every now and then you miss some of the stuff you had in England (I mean I've always lived in Australia, but you get my drift?). And that doesn't mean you don't 'visit' from time to time. A part of me is still going to be Catholic because my family is Catholic, and I will still read writings that are considered to be Catholic or Protestant, because they still strengthen me in my faith. A word of wisdom from my priest- "you can say where they Holy Spirit is, but you can't say where it is not". We cant say that another church hasn't got the Holy Spirit among them, we don't know that. If that makes sense.

Speaking of reading...something I am trying to get back into. I am really trying to read a lot of faith strengthening stuff at the moment, because I really need it!! Especially when it comes to relationships. I just read a really great book called "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris. Very challenging. I'm going to read it again and take notes. I am still going to catechism classes on Wednesday nights, and they are also great.
One of the best things I have got from the Good Shepherd has been the community that it's given me. While I had community and more people my own age at Bayside, I didn't really have a mentor figure to guide me that well. I tried a few people, but wasn't always sucessful. I had my friends of course, and they were brilliant, and of course Judy, one of the uni chaplains (who is absolutely wonderful, and I feel so honoured that she is coming to my chrismation on Sunday), but I just didn't have that one mentor figure within the church that I have now. And also, because the Good Shepherd is smaller, it's easier to know everyone, and there is more of that sense of community- quite often I would feel a bit left out at Bayside because it's so big.

Anyway, I'm still looking for work. One of the most miserable and discouraging things I have ever done in my life. I don't seem to be qualified enough for anything. Everyone wants experience, and if there's a job I think I can do, they have one thing in the key criteria I can't address.
So blogs and emails are still getting neglected. I just don't seem to have the energy at the end of the day to deal with them- and half the other things I should be doing as well. I'm trying to get off unnecessary medications, and take more vitamins, like spirulina (more natural) and iron, to increase my energy. Early days so far.
Actually, I am hoping that regular Holy Eucharist will help- while I still get some of the energies from the Divine liturgy (though often having to work and leave early reduces the peace I receive), Holy Eucharist is so important, being a means through which we receive God's divine energy of grace. I miss not having it.

Anyway, off to finish other things that need to be done- like job applications, blah.

God Bless.