Same old

Haha, well no guesses for what I'm doing at the moment- yep, watching the X-files!! Scully and Mulder are keeping me sane (for those interested, it's 'Synchrony' ep. 19 season 4).

Last weekend was actually a good one, I had a cake to make for a friend's daughter on saturday, then I dropped it round before I was due to church, and she invited me to stay for dinner.. I was supposed to be going to church but had been to the dentist earlier that day and had a really sore mouth, so decided I couldn't sing and that I would stay- even if I couldn't eat much. Anyway, I ended up staying for an early dinner, then was going to go home but the weather was looking weird, so she persuaded me to stay. Anyway, we were chatting and watching tv, then we both fell asleep on the couch!! We weren't asleep long before both out phones rang and I headed home. Sunday, I was back at her place at 10am to go to a work seminar with friends from work. We had Yum Cha for breakfast/lunch, (I ate fish guts- eww! oops) then went shopping. I got 3 dresses, a skirt and a coat for $125 which I thought was pretty good!! One of my friends spent $700!!! Then we headed off to the seminar, which was interesting, though big on the fact that we are surrounded by toxins and must detox etc. and that this can have severe effects on our health etc. And also that stress is not good for us either. I think the speaker had been talking for only a few minutes when I decided that I was screwed!

Ok, trying to get my head around this: Scully "and if your sister's your aunt and if your mother marries your uncle, you'd be your own grandpa" ... huh?? Might need to think about that for a bit...

Alright, so other than that nice weekend, things have been fairly ordinary. I dislocated my kneecap again on Wednesday (ouch) and was supposed to be going out, and that got changed to friday- it was an ok night.

Still very flat and struggling to cope. Have read a few quotes on depression and Christianity etc. but I'm struggling to work them and get my head around them. I sort of know what I have to do, but not sure if I can do it, and am somewhat scared that it wont work anyway... and also, I'm not sure about if I really understand what they mean anyway...
perhaps I am drifting from God a little... I don't know. I guess a part of me is angry about the depression. In a way you could say I am coping with it (I'm still alive right?) but in struggling to cope, it is painful- there are a lot of 'side effects' I guess you could say, and a lot of pain and tears and grief. That's not something that's ever easy to deal with. And in that there is anger and pain and confusion about everything... end result, I don't know...I just don't know about anything in my head or what is going on.