Nothing day

I did nothing today. I woke up, did some emailing, but had nothing planned for the day. I could have done some painting or piano practice but I didn't. I went back to bed and slept for another 4 hours. Cant get the motivation to do anything. Too depressed.

Church is strange at the moment. I don't want to go to Eucharist because I am not in the right frame of mind to take it, but I'm not really ready or up to going to confession either. And I cant go to Eucharist without going to confession. My spiritual father asked me tonight if I was turning away from God. I don't think I am, but I am very disconnected.

I'm not sure what to think. I'm depressed. I'm sick of having to deal with it. I have no connection with God. I'm not sure how to get a connection with God. I feel trapped and restricted. I don't know what to do. I know what I want to do, but it's not necessarily the right thing to do.

And I'm lonely. I don't know how to explain to anyone what is going on. Have tried once, but haven't got very far, and cant seem to talk to my spiritual father about this stuff.

So in the meantime I remain alone and lonely.