Lonely

I have been feeling so lousy this week. Aside from the fact that the last few days I've been feeling ill, headaches, dizzy, and a little nauseous, I've also been so incredibly depressed.

Yesterday and today in particular I was feeling so depressed, a few times it took all my strength just to not cry and collapse in a heap. All I wanted to do was call someone, even text someone, just tell them how lousy and alone I was feeling, but there was no one I could talk to, no one I could text and just say, "I feel like crap".

That's all I wanted to do, just tell someone how bad I felt, a shoulder to cry on, maybe even a hug.

I wanted to reach out so much, but I'm still too scared to talk to people, and even if I weren't, I don't even have anyone to talk to anyway. I seem to be so distant from my friends, I cant burden them with shit like this when I never see them. And I don't want to scare them away either, or make them think, 'oh no, not this again, don't want to hear her complaining'.

I just feel so miserable and depressed sometimes. I hate it. When I go down, I go DOWN. And it sucks.

I'm watching The X-Files again. I've been re-watching them (about the 3rd time?) and I'm up to season 4. One way I can escape the fact that I feel like crap. The old familiarity of it keeps me distracted, and at least having Scully and Mulder invade my dreams is better than the alternative...